Full list of jokes
A Jewish couple, are sitting together on an airplane flying tothe Far East. Over the public address system, the Captain announces: "Ladies and Gentlemen, I am afraid I have some verybad news. Our engines have ceased functioning, and this planewill be going down momentarily. Luckily, I see an island belowus that should be able to accommodate our landing. This islandappears to be uncharted; I am unable to find it on our maps. Sothe odds are that we will never be rescued and will have to liveon the island for a very long time, if not for the rest of ourlives. A few minutes later the plane lands safely on the island,whereupon Morris turns to his wife and asks, "Esther, did we payour pledge to the Yeshiva yet?""No Morris!" she responded.Morris smiles, then asks, "Esther, did we pay our UJA pledge?""Oy no, I forgot to send the check!!"Now Morris laughs."One last thing, Esther. Did you remember to send our TempleBuilding Fund check this month?""Oy Morris I forgot that one too!"Now Morris is practically choking with laughter.Esther asks Morris, "So what are you smiling and laughing about?"Morris responds, "They'll find us!!"Link to joke: A Jewish couple, are sitting together...
A Jewish father has two kids who want to sell lemonade on the street corner for 15 cents a glass. He figures he'll spend about 3 bucks on the ingredients, the kids will sell maybe 10 glasses and then drink the rest and get stomach aches. His eventual response: "Go stand on the corner for two hours and come back, I'll giveyou two dollars. Everybody wins."Link to joke: A Jewish father has two kids...
A Jewish man has just won the lottery and invites his family to adinner. He then stands up to thank everyone. "First I must thank my beautiful wife for her help and support, thenI want to thank my children, and the lottery commission." "Then I would like to thank Adolf Hitler". Suddenly everyone wassilent as he showed some numbers tatooed on his forearm and said,"For the winning numbers".Link to joke: A Jewish man has just won...
Hi Mom. Can I leave the kids with you tonight? You're going out? Yes. With whom? With a friend. I don't know why you left your husband. He is such a good man. I didn't leave him. He left me! You let him leave you, and now you go out with anybodies and nobodies. I do not go out with anybody. Can I bring over the kids? I never left you to go out with anybody except your father. There are lots of things that you did and I don't. What are you hinting at? Nothing. I just want to know if I can bring the kids over tonight. You're going to stay the night with him? What will your husband say if he finds out? My EX husband. I don't think he would be bothered. From the day he left me, he probably never slept alone! So you're going to sleep over at this loser's place? He's not a loser. A man who goes out with a divorced woman with children is a loser and a parasite. I don't want to argue. Should I bring over the kids or not? Poor children with such a mother. Such as what? With no stability. No wonder your husband left you. ENOUGH !!! Don't scream at me. You probably scream at this loser too! Now you're worried about the loser? Ah, so you see he's a loser. I spotted him immediately. Goodbye, mother. Wait! Don't hang up! When are you bringing them over? I'm not bringing them over! I'm not going out! If you never go out, how do you expect to meet anyone?Link to joke: Hi Mom. Can I leave the...
A Jewish young man was seeing a psychiatrist for an eating and sleeping disorder. "I am so obsessed with my mother... As soon as I go to sleep, I start dreaming, and everyone in my dream turns into my mother. I wake up insuch a state, all I can do is go downstairs and eat a piece of toast." The psychiatrist replies: "What, just one piece of toast, for a big boy like you?" Sent by YashaLink to joke: A Jewish young man was seeing...
A journalist assigned to the Jerusalem bureau takes an apartment overlooking the Wailing Wall. Every day when she looks out, she sees an old Jewish man praying vigorously. So the journalist goes down and introduces herself to the old man. She asks: "You come every day to the wall. How long have you done that and what are you praying for?"The old man replies, "I have come here to pray every day for 25 years. In the morning I pray for world peace and then for the brotherhood of man. I go home have a cup of tea and I come back and pray for the eradication of illness and disease from the earth."The journalist is amazed. "How does it make you feel to come here every day for 25 years and pray for these things?" she asks.The old man looks at her sadly. "Like I'm talking to a wall."Link to joke: A journalist assigned to the Jerusalem...
A kid at a sleep-away camp wrote home,"Please send me some food. All they serve here are meals."Link to joke: A kid at a sleep-away camp...
A kindergartner was practicing spelling with magnetic letters on the refrigerator: cat, dog, dad, and mom had been proudly displayed for all to see. One morning while getting ready for the day, he bounded into the room with his arms outstretched. In his hands were three magnetic letters: G-O-D. "Look what I spelled, Mom!" with a proud smile on his face. "That's wonderful!" his mom praised him. "Now go put them on the fridge so Dad can see when he gets home tonight." The mom happily thought that her son's Catholic education was certainly having an impact. Just then, a little voice called from the kitchen: "Mom? How do you spell 'zilla'?"Link to joke: A kindergartner was practicing spelling with...
A sixth grade class is doing some spelling drills. The teacher asks Tommy if he can spell 'before.' He stands up and says, "Before, B-E-P-H-O-R."The teacher says, "No, that's wrong. Can anyone else spell before?"Another little boy stands up and says, "Before, B-E-F-O-O-R."Again the teacher says, "No, that's wrong." The teacher asks, "Little Johnny, can you spell 'before'?"Little Johnny stands up and says, "Before, B-E-F-O-R-E." "Excellent Johnny, now can you use it in a sentence?"Little Johnny says, "That's easy. Two plus two be fore."Link to joke: A sixth grade class is doing...
A little boy and his dad are standing in line at the grocery store behind a big fat lady. The little boy says, "hey dad, look how fat that lady is!""Shhhh, quiet son, she'll hear you.""But dad, look how big and fat that lady is!""Shhhhhh, don't say that son, it's not nice!""But dad, look how big and fat that lady is!""Shhhhhhhhhhhhhh, don't say that son, it's not nice and it's rude!"Suddenly the fat lady's beeper goes off."Look out dad, she's backing up!"Link to joke: A little boy and his dad...
« previous 1 2 … 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 … 151 152 next »