Full list of jokes
A Manager of a retail clothing store is reviewing a potentialemployee's application and notices that the man has neverworked in retail before.He says to the man, "For a man with no experience, you arecertainly asking for a high wage.""Well Sir," the applicant replies, "the work is so much harderwhen you don't know what you'redoing!"Link to joke: A Manager of a retail clothing...
A Mexican, a black, and a white guy are in a bar having a drink when agood-looking girl comes up to them and says "whoever can say liver andcheese in a sentence can have me". So the white guy says"I love liver and cheese." she says "that's not good enough." The black says "I hate liver and cheese", and she says "that's notcreative", and then the Mexican says "liver alone cheese mine."Link to joke: A Mexican, a black, and a...
A middle manager is called into his bosses office on a Monday morning.He is told he has to get rid of one employee in his department by thenext Monday. "Downsizing."He's really upset. Everyone in his department does a good job and itdoesn't seem fair. So for the next 2 days he racks his brain trying tofigure out who to fire. On Tuesday afternoon he sees Jack and Jillstanding at the water cooler. He says to himself, "Okay it's going to beone of them."He spends the next few days scrutinizing what each of them does.Everything is equal. Productivity. Time off. Reports. Everything. He'sin a quandary. It's Friday afternoon and he knows his going to have tothink about this all weekend. Everyone has left the office except Jack andJill, who are getting ready to leave. She comes over to say goodbye."Have a good weekend boss. Hey you don't look so good. Is everythingokay?"He looks at her and says "To be honest, I'm having a tough time here. Ican't decide if I should lay you or Jack off."And she looks at him and says "Well I have to catch a bus, so i suggestyou jack off.Link to joke: A middle manager is called into...
A middle-aged man recieves a brazillian parrot for hisbirthday. The only problem with this parrot is its attitudedue to the influence of its former owner, who is now adeceased truck driver. The parrot loves to swear up and downat everything it sees. One day the man comes home with agorgeous woman for a candle lit dinner. The first thing theparrot says is " Hey bitch how much for a handjob". Shetakes one look at our middle-aged friend, and runs out thedoor. The next night, Our friend is visited by his mother.The parrot opens up with,"I'll suck that crusty coin-slotcrack of yours for a senior citizen discount, if you losethat over-the-shoulder-boulder-holder, and wiggle thosedroopy dum dums for me. Our friend recieves a smack thatleaves a fire-engine-red print, followed by a future threatfrom his father. Well Our frustrated friend can stands nomore. He grabs the little motherfucker and throws it intothe freezer. After about 15 minutes of swearing and kickingfrom the bad bird, all is quiet. Another 5 min of silencepasses by. Our friend gets curious and opens the fridge.The bird calmly perches on his finger. "Have you learnedyour lesson?", he sternly said. All the parrot can say is"I sure have. I just have one question. What the Fuckhappened to the chicken?Sent by RobLink to joke: A middle-aged man recieves a brazillian...
A salesman is talking to a farmer when he looks over and sees a rooster wearing pants, a shirt, and suspenders. He says, "What the hell is that all about?"The farmer says, "We had a fire in the chicken coop and all his feathers got singed off, so the wife made him some clothes to keep him warm. There ain't nothing funnier than watching him try to hold down a hen with one foot and get his pants down with the other."Link to joke: A salesman is talking to a...
A mother was reading a book about animals to her 3 year old daughter.Mother: "What does the cow say?"Child: "Moooo!"Mother: "Great! What does the cat say?"Child: "Meow."Mother: "Oh, you're so smart! What does the frog say?" And this wide-eyed little three-year-old looked up at her mother and replied, "Bud."Link to joke: A mother was reading a book...
A mother was teaching her three year old daughter The Lord's Prayer. For several evenings at bedtime, she repeated it after her mother. One night she said she was ready to solo. The mother listened with pride, as she carefully enunciated each word right up to the end..."And lead us not into temptation", she prayed, "but deliver us some e-mail, Amen."Link to joke: A mother was teaching her three...
A mouse and a lion walk were in a bar, drinking a few beers when a giraffe walked in. "Get a load of her" said the mouse, "what a babe!" "Well, why not try your luck?" replied the lion. So the mouse went over to the giraffe and started talking to her. Within five minutes they're out the door and into the night. The next day, the lion was drinking in the bar, when the mouse staggered in. The mouse is completely worn out, and can hardly hold himself up. The lion helped his pal up on to a stool, poured a drink down his throat and said, "What the hell happened to you? I saw you leave with the giraffe, what happened after that? Was she all right?" The mouse replied, "Yeah, she was really something, we went out to dinner, had a couple of glasses of wine, and she invited me back to her place to spend the night. And oh, man! I've never had a night like it!" "But how come you look like you're so exhausted?" asked the lion. "Well" said the mouse, "between the kissing and the screwing, I must have run a thousand miles!"Link to joke: A mouse and a lion walk...
There were three little boys visiting their grandparents. The oldest came out and asked his grandpa, "Can you make a sound like a frog, Grandpappy? Grandpa (being in a kind of ill mood) responds, "No, I don't really want to make the sound of a frog now."So, the second little boy comes out and asks his grandfather, "Willyou please make a sound like a frog?" Grandpa again says, "No, not now. I don't really want to do that. I'm in a grumpy mood. Maybe later."Then the third little boy comes out and says, "Grandpa, oh please... Please, please will you make a sound like a frog?""Why do all of you boys want me to make a sound like a frog?" Grandpa asked. The little boy replied with a hopeful face, "Well, Mom said that whenyou croak we get to go to Disney World!"Link to joke: There were three little boys visiting...
A negro was travelling in china. In a remote village, he came upon an elderly chinaman skipping stones across a lake. At each bounce of the stone off the water, the mountains surrounding the lake echoed back, "CHING...CHANG...CHUN..." The negro was amazed. He asked the chinaman what was going on. "Oh", said the chinee, "magic spirit of the lake echo back the names of your ancient ancestors as your stone skip upon the sacred waters". "Wow", said the negro, "can I try it?". "Certainly", replied the chinaman. The negro picked up the biggest stone he could find, and gave it a mighty heave across the waters...and as it skipped across the waters, the mountains echoed back "CHIM...PAN...ZEE...."Link to joke: A negro was travelling in china....
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