A Second OpinionA man runs into the vet's office carrying his dog, screaming forhelp. The vet rushes him back to an examination room and has himput his dog down on the examination table. The vet examines thestill, limp body and after a few moments tells the man that hisdog, regrettably, is dead. The man, clearly agitated and notwilling to accept this, demands a second opinion.The vet goes into the back room and comes out with a cat and putsthe cat down next to the dog's body. The cat sniffs the body,walks from head to tail poking and sniffing the dog's body andfinally looks at the vet and meows. The vet looks at the man andsays, "I'm sorry, but the cat thinks that your dog is dead too."The man is still unwilling to accept that his dog is dead.The vet brings in a black Labrador. The lab sniffs the body,walks from head to tail, and finally looks at the vet and barks.The vet looks at the man and says, "I'm sorry, but the lab thinksyour dog is dead too."The man, finally resigned to the diagnosis, thanks the vet andasks how much he owes. The vet answers, "$650.""$650 to tell me my dog is dead?" exclaimed the man...."Well," the vet replies, "I would only have charged you $50 formy initial diagnosis. The additional $600 was for the cat scanand lab tests."
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A shapely lady in a bikini walked into the ocean to take a swim. Alarge wave came up and washed over her, tearing off her bikini top.She came out of the surf with her arms folded across her chest.Little Johnny, playing in the sand looked up at her and said,"Lady, if you're going to drown those puppies, I'll take the one withthe brown nose."
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A site foreman had ten very lazy men working for him, so one day he decided to trick them into doing some work for a change."I've got a really easy job today for the laziest one among you," he announced. "Will the laziest man please put his hand up."Nine hands went up."Why didn't you put your hand up?" he asked the tenth man."Too much trouble," came the reply.
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A six year old comes crying to his Mother because his little sister pulled his hair."Don't be angry," the Mother says, "Your little sister doesn't realize that pulling hair hurts."A short while later, there's more crying, and the Mother goes to investigate.This time the sister is bawling and her brother says..."Now she knows."
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Getting anything done around here is like mating elephants.It's done on a very high level.There's a lot of stomping and screaming involved.And it takes two years to get any results.
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A small boy is sent to bed by his father. Five minutes later: "Da-ad..." "What?" "I'm thirsty. Can you bring me a drink of water?""No. You had your chance. Lights out."Five minutes later: "Da-aaaad..." "WHAT?" "I'm THIRSTY...Can I have a drink of water??" "I told you NO! If you ask again I'll have to spank you!!"Five minutes later... "Daaaa-aaaad..." "WHAT??!!" "When you come in to spank me, can you bring me a drink of water?"
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A small boy was lost, so he went up to apoliceman and said, "I've lost my dad!"The cop said, "What's he like?"The little boy replied, "Beer and women!"
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An old man lived alone in Ireland. He wanted to dig his potato garden, but it was very hard work.His only son, who would have helped him, was in prison for bank robbery. The old man wrote a letter to his son and mentioned his predicament.Shortly, he received this reply,"For HEAVEN'S SAKE Dad, don't dig up that garden, that's where I buried the Money!"At 4 A.M. the next morning, a dozen policemen showed up and dug up the entire garden, without finding any money.Confused, the old man wrote another note to his son telling him what happened, and asking him what to do next.His son's reply was: "Now plant your potatoes, Dad. It's the best I could do from here."
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The village blacksmith finally found an apprentice willing to work hard at low pay for long hours. The blacksmith immediately began his instructions to the lad, "When I take the shoe out of the fire, I'll lay it on the anvil; and when I nod my head, you hit it with this hammer." The apprentice did just as he told. Now he's the village blacksmith.
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A fellow is walking into a hospital and sees two doctors down on their hands and knees in one of the flower beds. He goes over and says,"Can I help? Have you lost something?""No," says one of the doctors. "We're about to do a heart transplant onan accountant and we're looking for a suitable stone."
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