Full list of jokes
Armando went to his neighbor and asked, "Hey Carlos, do you like a woman who has a beeg stomach steeking oll the way out?" "No," says Carlos. Armando asks, "Do you like a woman whose teets hang almost to her knees?" "No," says Carlos. "Well, Carlos, would you like a woman whose heeps are so mucho grande?" "Caramba! No, amigo!" Carlos replied. "Theen tell me why," asked Armando, "do you keep screwing my wife?"Link to joke: Armando went to his neighbor and...
Arnold Swartzeneger and Sylvester Stallone are making amovie about the lives of the great composers. Stallone says "I want to be Mozart." Swartzeneger says: "In that case... I'll be Bach."Link to joke: Arnold Swartzeneger and Sylvester Stallone are...
As the end of the day drew near, the handsome executive called his newly hired assistant into his office. "Do you know what time we quit around here ?" he asked."Sure !" the girl nervously giggled. "Whenever somebody knocks on the door."Link to joke: As the end of the day...
During an auction of exotic pets, a woman who had placeda winning bid told the auctioneer, "I'm paying a fortunefor that parrot. I hope he talks as well as you say hedoes.""I guarantee it, madam," replied the auctioneer. "Who doyou think was bidding against you?"Link to joke: During an auction of exotic pets,...
At school Little Johnny was told by a classmate that most adults are hiding at least one dark secret, and that this makes it very easy to blackmail them by saying, "I know the whole truth." Little Johnny decides to go home and try it out. He goes home, and as he is greeted by his mother he says, "I know the whole truth." His mother quickly hands him $20 and says, "Just don't tell your father." Quite pleased, the boy waits for his father to get home from work, and greets him with, "I know the whole truth." The father promptly hands him $40 and says, "Please don't say a word to your mother." Very pleased, the boy is on his way to school the next day when he sees the mailman at his front door. The boy greets him by saying, "I know the whole truth." The mailman immediately drops the mail, opens his arms, and says, "Then come give your real father a big hug."Link to joke: At school Little Johnny was told...
At the Doctor's... -A young woman said to her doctor, "You have to help me, I hurt all over." "What do you mean?" said the doctor. -The woman touched her right knee with her index finger and yelled, "Ow, that hurts." -Then she touched her left cheek and again yelled, "Ouch! That hurts, too." -Then she touched her right earlobe. "Ow, even THAT hurts." The doctor asked the woman, "Are you a natural blonde?" -"Why yes," she said. "I thought so," said the doctor. "You have a sprained finger."Link to joke: At the Doctor's... -A young woman...
A man wanted a big, verocious dog to protect his business, so he visited a kennel that specialized in attack dogs. The man explained to the kennel owner that he wanted the biggest, meanest, most vicious dog in the kennel, and the owner offered to take the man on a tour of the premises.After they had been walking for a few minutes, they came upon a large dog. He was snarling loudly and biting and clawing at the cage."He looks like he'd be a pretty good attack dog," said the buyer."Well, he's not bad," replied the owner, "but I have something better in mind for you."They continued walking around the premises, and after a while they found an even larger, meaner dog than the first. He snarled at the two men and tried to bite them through the wire on his cage."Ah," said the buyer, "This must be the dog you were referring to earlier.""Well, no." said the owner. "I have something better in mind for you."The men continued their tour. Eventually, they came upon a fairly large dog that was lying quietly on his side, licking his butt. He did not seem to notice as the men approached."This is the dog I had in mind for you," said the owner.The buyer was flabbergasted. "You're joking!" he exclaimed."This dog seems quite tame; he doesn't act at all like an attack dog at all. Hell, he's just lying there, licking his butt!""I know, I know," said the owner. "But you see, he just ate a lawyer, and he's trying to get the taste out of his mouth."Link to joke: A man wanted a big, verocious...
As a little girl climbed onto Santa's lap, Santa asked the usual, "And what would you like for Christmas?"The child stared at him open mouthed and horrified for a minute, then gasped: "Didn't you get my E-mail?"Link to joke: As a little girl climbed onto...
Why are women such bad drivers?Because there is no road between the bedroom and the bathroom.Link to joke: Why are women such bad drivers?Because...
1.The "complimentary" paper tells you that President Kennedy has died.2.The mint on the pillow starts moving when you come close to it. 3.The "magic fingers vibration" is supplied by giving a quarter to the town epileptic. 4.There is still some stuff that they put around crime scenes that is yellow 5.The pictures are not placed for decoration but to cover up recent bullet holes. 6.You have to wait until the guy next door is done with the towel so you can use it. 7.There's a chalk outline in the bed when you pull back the covers. 8.The desk clerk has to move the body in order to get some ice for you. 9.The Only TV station you can get is a porno channel with roseanne on it. 10.The wake up call comes courtesy of police helicopterLink to joke: 1.The "complimentary" paper tells you that...
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