Full list of jokes

Q: What do you call a Canadian Baseball team?A: Foreigners.
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Q: Why couldn't the blonde write the number ELEVEN?A: Because she didn't know which one came first!Q: How can you confuse a blonde?A: Put her in a round room and tell her to sit in the corner. Q: How do blonde brain cells die?A: Alone. Q: What did the blondes right leg say to her left leg?A: Nothing, they never met.Q: Why did God create blondes? A: Because sheep can't fetch a beer from the fridge. Q: Why did God create brunettes?A: Because the blondes couldn't manage it either. Q: What do you call a smart blonde?A: A Golden retriever! Q: What do you get when you ask a blonde, a penny for your thoughts? A: Change! Q: Why do blondes take the pill? A: So they know which day of the week it is. Q: Why is a washing machine better than a blonde? A: Because you can drop your load in a washing machine, and it won't follow you around for a week! Q: What do you call a blonde with half a brain?A: Gifted. Q: Why did eighteen blondes go to the movies together? A: They heard that under seventeen weren't admitted! Q: What does a peroxide blonde and a 747 have in common? A: They both have a black box. Q: How do you get a blonde to marry you? A: Tell her she's pregnant. Q: Why did the Blonde get fired at the M & M factory?A: She threw out all the W's
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AUDIAccelerates Under Demonic InfluenceAlways Unsafe Designs ImplementedAll Un-informed Drivers InsultedAll Unnecessary Devices Installed BMWBig Money WorksBought My WifeBrutal Money Waster BUICKBig Ugly Indestructable Car Killer CHEVROLETCan Hear Every Valve Rap On Long Extended Trips Cheap, Hardly Efficient, Virtually Runs On Luck Every Time DODGEDumb Old Dirty Gas EaterDrips Oil, Drops Grease Everywhere FORDFix Or Repair DailyFound On Road, DeadFast Only Rolling Downhill GMGeneral Maintenance GMCGarage Man's Companion HONDAHad One Never Did AgainHappy Owners Never Drive Anything else. Hated Old Noisy Damaged AutoHYUNDAIHope You Understand Nothing's Driveable And Inexpensive? MAZDAMost Always Zipping Dangerously Along OLDSMOBILEOld Ladies Driving Slowly Make Others Behind Infuriatingly Late Every day.Overpriced, Leisurely Driven Sedan Made Of Buick's Irregular Leftover Equipment SAABSend Another Automobile Back TOYOTAToo Often Yankees Overprice This Auto VOLVOVery Odd Looking Vehicular Object VWVirtually Worthless
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Q: What's the difference between a catfish and a lawyer?A: Ones a gross dirty slimy scum-sucking bottom-feeder, and ones a fish...
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Q: What do u have when their is a lawyer up to his neck in cement?A: not enough cement
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Chain Letter Type IIIHi there!! This chain letter has been in existence since 1897. This isabsolutely incredible because there was no email then and probably not asmany little 8 year olds writing chain letters. So this is how it works. Passthis on to 15,067 people in the next 7 minutes or something horrible willhappen to you like:Queer Horror Story #1Miranda Pinsley was walking home from school on Saturday. She had recentlyreceived this letter and ignored it. She then tripped in a crack in theside walk, fell into the sewer, was gushed down a drainpipe in a flood ofpoop, and went flying out over a waterfall. Not only did she smell nasty,she died. This Could Happen To You!!!Queer Horror Story #2Dexter Bip, a 13 year old boy, got a chain letter in his mail and ignored it. Later that day, he was hit by a car and so was his boyfriend (hey, somepeople swing that way, especially at Oklahoma City University). They bothdied and went to hell. They continued to suffer in hell where they were bothcursed to eat adorable kittens every day for eternity. This Could Happen ToYou!!!Remember, you could end up like Pinsley and Bip did. Just send this letterto all of your loser friends, and everything will be Ok.Of course, there's the guy in Peoria Illinois who DID forward this on andthen he married his secret crush, they moved to the suburbs, had 2.3children and lived happily ever after.Right up until he started working late every night, started an affair withhis secretary and boozing. Then she started sleeping with the golf pro atthe local country club, became addicted to sleeping pills and their 2.3children got into gangs and drugs. Then everything went to hell, and theygot divorced. She got the house and the kids, and he got the car and childsupport payment, and got to keep the mortgage payment, lost his job and hiscar and now is working the midnight shift at the local McDonald's.
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Chain Letter Type IVAs if you care, here is a poem that I wrote. Send it to every one of yourfriends.Friends- A friend is someone who is always at your side,- A friend is someone who likes you even though you smell like a wet dog,- A friend is someone who likes you even though you're disgustingly ugly,- A friend is someone who cleans up for you after you've soiled yourself,- A friend is someone who stays with you all night while you cry about your loser life,- A friend is someone who pretends they like you when they really think you should be raped by a mad goat and then thrown to vicious dogs, - Afriend is someone who scrubs your toilet and vacuums and then gets the check and leaves and doesn't speak much English no, sorry that's the cleaning lady,Now pass this on! If you don't, Satan will send dogs in heat to your room inyour sleep!!There. Now that we've covered and dumped on the four main types of chainletters, onto the ironic part. In order for this to get any popularity,send it on!!! If you don't think it was funny at all, don't bother, butotherwise forward this sucker to everyone you know!! If you don't, I don'tcare. Thanks!Remember, the moral of the story is, if you get a chain letter, ignore it.TRASH IT!!! If it's a joke or something, send it, sure! Just don't forgetto delete the chain letter part. But if it's gonna make people feel guilty (i.e. the willieless boy from Baklaliviatatlaglooshen) or nervous (i.e.Miranda Pinsley who ended up in a waterfall of poop), just DELETE it.Do yourself a favor, and everyone else in the world, and say NO!!! to BLOODY CHAIN LETTERS!!" Thank you.
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Chain Letter Type lI: Make a wish!!!(This is where you have to scroll down)Really, go on and make one wish!!!Oh please, s/he'll never go out with you!!!Wish something else!!!Not *that* either, you pervert!!Is your finger getting tired yet?You Can Stop now moron!!!!!!!!Wasn't that fun? Hope you made a great wish. Now, to make you feel guilty,here's what I'll do. First of all, if you don't send this to a certainnumber of people in the next 5 seconds, you will be raped by a mad goat andthen thrown off a high building into a pile of manure. It's true! Because, you now, THIS letter isn't like all of those fake ones, THIS one is TRUE!!Really!!! Here's how it goes.Send this to 1 person: One person will be upset with you for sending them astupid chain letter.Send this to 2-5 people: 2-5 people will be upset with you for sending thema stupid chain letter.5-10 people: 5-10 people will be upset with at you for sending them a stupidchain letter.10-20 people: 10-20 people will be upset with at you for sending them astupid chain letter.20 to 674,951 1/2 people: 20 to 674,951 1/2 people will be upset with youfor sending them a stupid chain letter.Thanks!!!! Good Luck!!!
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Chanowski & his other Polak drinking buddy are sitting at a bar . " See those guys over there ? " Chanowski says." I'm going over there and ask them what they think of Polaks." Chanowki walks up to the two guys sitting at the other end of the bar and asks them what they think of Polaks. One of the men gives Chanowski the finger. The middle finger. Chanowski then walks back to his drinking buddy. " Well , what do they think of Polaks?" he asks. "We're still number one , " replies Chanowski.
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Charlie was playing with his little brother Mickey when the little boy asked whether he could fly like Superman."Sure you can, Mickey," Charlie said, "Just flap your armsreally *really* hard." So Mickey climbed up on the windowsill, started flapping like mad, jumped, then smashed into the ground six stories below.Horrified, their mother came screaming into the room and said, "What the hell happened?!?"Charlie said, "I was just teaching Mickey not to believeeverything someone tells him."
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