Full list of jokes
A drunken blonde goes into a bar. The bartender asks her what she would like, and she replies, "Gimme a beer." The bartender then asks, "Anheuser-Busch?" To which she replies, "Fine thanks, and how's your cock?"Link to joke: A drunken blonde goes into a...
A Duck walks into a bar. Duck: You got any bread?Barman: No, sorry, we don't have any bread[After a few minutes]Duck: You got any bread?Barman: Look, we don't have any bread[In a little while]Duck: You got any bread?Barman: We don't have any F*****g bread![Some time later]Duck: Got any bread?Barman: If you ask me if I've got any F*****g bread once more I'm gonna nail your F*****g bill to this bar..................Duck: You got any nails?Barman: NO!Duck: You got any bread? Sent by DuncanLink to joke: A Duck walks into a bar....
A duck walks into a general store and asks the manager,"Gotany fresh fruit?""No.""Got any fresh vegetables?""No. We have only canned and dry goods."The next day, the duck returns."Got any fresh fruit?""No.""Got any fresh vegetables?""No. I told you yesterday, we have only canned and dry goods. If you come back tomorrow and ask me the same question, I'll nail your flippers to the floor."On the 3rd day, the duck walks in and asks,"Got any nails?""No.""Got any fresh fruit?"Link to joke: A duck walks into a general...
Little Johnny watched, fascinated, as his mother smoothed cold creamon her face."Why do you do that, Mommy?""To make myself beautiful," said his mother, who then began removingthe cream with a tissue."What's the matter?" asked Little Johnny. "Giving up?"Link to joke: Little Johnny watched, fascinated, as his...
Tourist guide at zoo: "Ladies and gentlemen, this is the elephant, thelargest animal to roam the lands. Every day the elephant eats 3 dozen bunches of bananas, 6 tons of hay, and 2000 pounds of assorted fruits. Madam, please don't stand near the elephant's backside.... Madam, PLEASE don't stand near the elephant's backside ... MADAM ... MADAM ..., too late; George, dig her out."Link to joke: Tourist guide at zoo: "Ladies and...
A farmer comes home with a lively young bull. His two old bullshave fallen on sad days. He's letting them hang around for oldtimes' sake. The minute the new bull is put into the pasture,he starts servicing the cows. At about the fourth cow, one ofthe old bulls starts to paw the ground and snort. The other asks,"Why are you doing that?"The old bull answers, "I don't want him to think I'm one of these cows!"Link to joke: A farmer comes home with a...
A farmer goes to confession for the first time in twenty years andtells the priest he's been having sexual intercourse with a pig eversince his wife died.The priest asks him if he intends to continue doing it and whether thepig is a male or female."No! I'm not doing it anymore!" says the farmer. "And the pig is afemale, of course. What the hell do you think I am -- a goddam queer?Link to joke: A farmer goes to confession for...
A fifth grader looked downcast, so her teacher asked, "What's theproblem, Carol? I hope it's not homework again.""Well, uh, yes, it is." replied Carol. "I was stupid and made myhomework paper into a paper airplane.""Carol, you're right, that wasn't a very bright thing to do," said theteacher, "but this once I'll let you just unfold the paper and hand itin.""Oh, but that won't work," said Carol, looking even sadder. "You see,the plane was hijacked."Link to joke: A fifth grader looked downcast, so...
A first-grade class is having a game of Name That Animal.The teacher held up a picture of a cat."What animal is this?" she asked. "A cat!" said Eddie."Good job! Now, what is this animal?""A dog!" said Eddie."Good! Now what animal is this?" she asked, holding up a picture of aDeer. The class fell silent. After a couple of minutes, the teacher said,"It's what your mom calls your dad.""A horny bastard," called out Eddie.Link to joke: A first-grade class is having a...
A first-grade teacher was overseeing her students as they experimented with their desk computers. One boy sat staring at the screen, unsure how to get the computer going. The teacher walked over and read what was on his screen.In her most reassuring voice, she said, "The computer wants to know what your name is," then she walked over to the next child.The boy leaned toward the screen and whispered, "My name is David."Link to joke: A first-grade teacher was overseeing her...